


Darth Vader Has A Thing for Me?

by captainofbrooklyn



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Original Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Basically luke gets the idea before esb that Vader has a crush on him, Crack, Gen, Humor, This fic is his attempt at coping, so dont worry, there is no actual incest tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-18
Updated: 2020-03-18
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:07:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23195248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/captainofbrooklyn/pseuds/captainofbrooklyn
Summary: “Vader's disgusting, that’s what it is. I can’t work with a man with his...tastes.”“What tastes?”The Lieutenant glanced around them, and leaned in closer to Luke. “I don’t know how else to tell ya, kid. His taste in you.”In which Luke Skywalker believes Darth Vader has a crush on him.
Relationships: Luke Skywalker & Darth Vader
Comments: 28
Kudos: 435





	Darth Vader Has A Thing for Me?

**Author's Note:**

> trigger warnings: the idea (tho unbeknownst to Luke) of incest is the premise of this fic. No actual incest tho. 
> 
> Ok im back with another fic that I wrote in two hours! Quarantine is really getting to me guys. This fic is total crack btw. Feel free to leave any criticism or any of ur thoughts in the comments below. Seeing ur comments is like a serotonin injection. I hope anyone reading this has a wonderful day, and remember to stay safe guys! Hope this fic keeps you entertained. 
> 
> Also, if you want a fic that has a different take on this premise, read "Compromising" by samvelg. It's basically Piett misunderstanding Luke and Vader's relationship. It's cracky and totally delightful.

Luke had several conversations with Imperial defectors in the past, but none were as disturbing as the one he had with former Imperial Lieutenant Kestal. Kestal was a tall, middle-aged man with a scar across his cheek that he claimed he’d gotten from a Twi’lek during..well, Luke didn’t want to think about it. He had steely gray eyes and a gruff voice, and his favorite hobby was glaring at the people that used to be his enemies. 

“Why’d you defect?” he’d asked the man, partially to sense Kestal’s true motives, and partially to get the man to stop staring at him. 

“Vader,” Kestal spat, training those steel gray eyes at Luke again. “That man is a monster.” 

Luke shivered at the mention of his father’s murderer. “You lost someone too, didn’t you? I’m sorry.” 

Kestal stopped walking, shaking his head furiously. “He’s  _ disgusting _ , that’s what it is. I can’t work with a man with his...tastes.” 

He didn’t know what to make of that. Vader’s taste in what? Murder? Blowing up planets? (Technically that was Tarkin, but he knew not to mention that around Leia.) Some other weird thing the Sith do, like making their lightsabers red even though blue was the objectively superior color? 

“What tastes?” 

Kestal glanced around them, and leaned in closer to Luke. “I don’t know how else to tell ya, kid. His taste in  _ you _ .” 

Luke’s brain short-circuited. “Me?” There’d been a bounty put on his head by Vader. A billion credits, alive only. “He’s obsessed with capturing me, I know.” 

“You don’t understand,” Kestal said. Luke was glad they were whispering. “I worked on the  _ Executor.  _ I passed Vader’s quarters more times than I can count. He’d keep saying things like ‘Skywalker is mine,’ or ‘his destiny is at my side.’” 

“That doesn’t sound too bad,” Luke said. It was bad, but not unexpected.“He wants to turn me into his evil slave. That’s what the Empire does.” 

The Lieutenant wasn’t fazed. “Let me finish. One time, I overheard parts of a conversation between him and the Emperor. Vader told Palpatine that he’d capture you, and Palpatine said-” Kestal shook his head (Luke noticed that he shook his head a lot.) “-said that Vader shouldn’t let his  _ heart  _ influence his actions.”

“His heart-?” It clicked. 

_ Oh _ , Luke thought.  _ Oh no _ . 

“I’m sorry,” Kestal placed a hand on his shoulder. “But even blowing up the Death Star doesn’t create that level of obsession in Vader. There’s gotta be somethin’ else.” 

His conversation with Kestal was the only thing on his mind. Long after the other Rebels had gone to sleep, Luke was wide awake in his cot. The Lieutenant had to be lying. Vader couldn’t possibly have a- a  _ thing _ \- for him. That was impossible. 

But it made too much sense. The obsession. The alive-only bounty. Why Vader was always trying to capture him. 

_ Fuck, _ he thought.  _ Out of all the people in the galaxy who could want me that way, it had to be Darth fucking Vader?  _

Luke didn’t even think a Sith was capable of that. Vader had murdered his father, but now wanted to be with him? How did that make sense? 

_ Maybe Vader was in love with Anakin and now that’s just transferred over to you,  _ his mind said.  _ Maybe the reason he turned Dark was because he loved your father and accidentally killed him. That would suck.  _

Luke told his mind to shut up. His mind didn’t listen. 

“I have a problem,” Luke told Han the next day. Hoth was freezing, and the cold had crept into the base, forcing Luke to rub his hands together to keep warm. Hoth made him miss Tatooine, made him miss the way the suns radiated heat. “It’s-” he paused. “There’s someone who likes me, and I don’t like them back.” 

Han raised an eyebrow. “An admirer?” He patted him on the back. “Nice work, kid! Moving your way up!” 

“It’s not a good thing,” he said quickly. “This person...he’s not good. He’s obsessive.” 

“He?” Han frowned. “Guess you don’t swing that way, do you?” 

Luke had no idea where his preferences lied, but he was pretty sure he wasn’t Sith-sexual. “No. But that’s not even the biggest problem.” 

“Is he a member of the Rebellion?”

The image of Vader being a Rebel was so out of place it almost made him laugh. But he didn’t want to explain that to Han so he said, “Yes. But I don’t see him often. I don’t even know why he’s into me.” 

_ Because he wanted your dad,  _ his mind said.  _ Sith, maybe he wanted your mom too.  _

_ Shut up _ , he told his mind. 

“Well,” Han said. “Just tell him that you’re not looking for a relationship, and that you’re flattered, but there are other planets in the galaxy, after all.” 

“I don’t think that’ll work-” 

“Or you could do nothing,” Han said. “These things have a way of blowing over.” 

He gave Leia the same version of the story. “Who is it?” she demanded. “Is it someone in your squad-” 

“It’s no one important,” he said. “Just-give me some advice, okay?” 

The princess frowned. “You must confront him, Luke.” She gave him a firm nod. “That’s the only way this will end.” 

He thought about the last time he confronted Vader on Cymoon. The way the Sith Lord batted him aside, mocked his father’s death, and nearly killed him with no effort. 

“Thanks, Leia,” he said. “I’ll do that.” 

A few more weeks went by before he was captured by bounty hunters again. This time, they tied him up but left his mouth free. He heard them talking amongst themselves, and his mind raced with ways he could escape until he heard one of them say, “Lord Vader’s coming for you, Skywalker.” He laughed. “You’re not gonna like what he’s gonna do to you.” 

His stomach twisted at ideas of what Vader (who had  _ a thing  _ for him) could possibly want to do with Luke. 

“It’s okay,” he said. “I’ll be thinking of my wife the whole time.” 

“Wife?” A bounty hunter said. “You’re married?” 

“Yep,” Luke responded. “To a woman. Because I like women.  _ Only  _ women.” 

“Does she have a name?” 

_ Shit.  _ “Ugh, her name is- her name is Mara. Mara….Jade.” 

The bounty hunter furrowed his brows, clearly wondering if he’d heard the name before. Luke used his chance to summon his lightsaber and cut through his bonds. The bounty hunters readied their weapons but Luke shoved them aside with the Force and bolted down the hallway. 

_ Not today, Vader _ , he thought, already imagining what “Mara Jade” would look like.  _ Not today.  _

“I don’t understand,” Leia said. “Why do you have to pretend to be married?” 

“A form of protection,” he responded. “The Empire will be trying to capture my fictional wife to lure me in, and they’re not gonna be successful.” 

“I’m not going to pretend to be her.” 

“I wouldn’t want you to,” he said. For some reason, the image of Leia and him together made him feel uncomfortable. 

He’d have time to unpack that later. 

  
  


Every day he’d look at Vader’s bounty on his holopad. It had an old picture from when he was seventeen, first applying to the Imperial Garrison. He had a soft smile in the picture. This Luke didn’t know his guardians would be dead in a few years. He didn’t know the monster that hunted him constantly. 

“Oh, Ben,” he whispered and thought of his old mentor. “What am I going to do?” 

“Luke,” a voice said. He jolted in his cot and saw a ghostly Ben Kenobi, in his old Jedi robes, smiling. “You seem troubled.” 

“Ben,” he gasped. “Is that really you?” 

“I became one with the Force when Vader struck me down,” the old Jedi gestured to his incorporeal form. “I sensed your distress and wanted to help.” 

Luke chuckled bitterly. “Where do I even begin,” he muttered. “Ben, do you know why Vader has a thing for me?” 

Ben raised a ghostly eyebrow. “I don’t know what you mean.” 

“A  _ thing _ .” Luke gestured with his hands. “Ugh, I think Vader likes me….that way. It’s awful.” 

Ben’s eyes (did he have eyes?) widened. “I-” he “No, that’s not possible. Even An- Vader wouldn’t do that.” 

“I heard it from a defected Imperial,” Luke said. “And it makes too much sense. It explains why he wants to capture me so bad and why he’s sent so many bounty hunters after me. There’s no other explanation.” 

Ben looked like he was about to have a heart attack if ghosts were still capable of that. “No, Luke,” he said firmly. “I’m positive Vader has other reasons.” 

“Like what?” He threw his hands up. “Honestly, this could even explain why he killed my father. He could’ve had a thing for him, which transferred to me, or maybe he liked my mom and he got jealous and  _ that’s  _ why he killed my dad. Unless you know why Vader turned.” 

Ben’s ghostly form started flickering. “I-” 

“Ben,” Luke said. “Are you okay?” 

“Luke-” Ben said. 

Luke didn’t hear the rest of the sentence before Ben faded away. 

Bespin was cold. It wasn’t Hoth’s cold-the natural bite of the snow and the harsh cuts of the wind- but the cold that made his heart stop. It was Vader’s presence that snaked through the hallways and into the dark chamber he was in now. The floor beneath him glowed orange and he raised his head to see Vader standing above him on a platform. 

“The Force is strong with you, young Skywalker,” the Sith said. “But you are not a Jedi yet.” 

Luke swallowed. This was what he’d been dreading for three years. He tightened his grip on his blaster.  _ You must confront him _ , Leia had said. 

It was the only way this would end. 

“And whose fault is that?” he snapped. “Not a great first meeting, by the way. You didn’t make the best impression.” 

There was nothing besides the constant breaths from the respirator. Then, “Your destiny lies with me, Skywalker. Obi-Wan knew this too. It is why he hid you from me.” 

“I-” 

This was worse than Luke had thought. “You-” he backed up. “You really are a monster. I was a baby!” 

Luke was quickly losing his resolve.  _ Why  _ hadn’t Ben warned him about this? 

“Join me, Luke,” Vader said, ignoring Luke. “Obi-Wan has failed you. I won’t.” 

“No!” he yelled. “I know the truth about you. Don’t pretend that I don’t.” 

Vader turned off his lightsaber. “You are aware of our relationship, then, young Skywalker?” 

“Relationship?” Luke jabbed a finger at the Sith Lord. “There is no relationship between us. You’re old enough to be my father!” 

“I do not see how that is a problem,” Vader said slowly. 

“Wow,” Luke said. “No wonder my dad didn’t like you. Or my mom. Whichever one of my parents you were obsessed with.” 

“Young Skywalker.” Vader walked toward him. “What are you implying?” 

“You’re obsessed with me,” Luke spat. “It’s disgusting.” He remembered Mara. “I’m married!” 

“I have found no evidence of your marriage,” Vader said. “And why would that be an issue?” 

“Because what you want is wrong!” He turned on his lightsaber. “I am not in love with you, I will never be in love with you, and there is nothing you can do to change that.” 

The lights above them sparked and died out. Objects in the room flew in different directions. Vader dropped his lightsaber. 

“ _ Luke _ ,” Vader said. It sounded like he was choking. “I- I am not-” A pause. “I did not kill your father. I  _ am  _ your father.” 

He stopped. “What?” 

“Luke,” the Sith Lord spoke so softly it sounded strange. “I learned of your existence three years ago. Obi-Wan stole my son from me and I have wanted him back.” 

“Oh.” Luke breathed a sigh of relief. Normally, he’d be horrified at Vader being his father, but anything was better than what he thought was the truth. 

“I-” He laughed because the whole situation was so ridiculous. “Is it bad that I feel relieved? I mean, you don’t-” 

“No,” Vader said. “There are many things I have done, but I would never do  _ that _ .” 

Luke felt like he could collapse. He’d been so stressed out over how to reject a Sith Lord, and it turned out he didn’t have to. Sure, tomorrow he would angst over being the son of a tyrant, but that was tomorrow. 

“I’m not actually married,” he said. “I just wanted you to think ‘we’ could never happen.” 

“I am aware,” Vader said. “The Emperor’s Hand was quite surprised when she learned she was married to a Rebel.” 

That caused him to snap out of his stupor. 

“Wait what-?” 

  
  



End file.
